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Samus works alone

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Samus Aran, wearing the orange-red Varia suit, stands in front of a similarly orange-colored data screen. Her eyes and nose can be seen through her helmet's semi-translucent green visor.

This story was originally published on May 9, 2013 in re/Action, a feminist gaming blog of the era. It has been republished in full here at Mothership with permission, as re/Action's website went offline years ago. We're republishing this story today, on the 40th anniversary of the release of the very first Metroid game.

Editor's note: This story contains descriptions of suicidal ideation.


I still remember the date. Thursday, December 13, 2007.

For months afterward, I did not cry. I did spend a lot of time sleeping. I had trouble moving. What had I ever contributed to the world? Nothing. I had done nothing. I had failed at my life’s sole significant venture, and what’s more, that venture had been attaining the interest of a man. Pitiful.

My ex-boyfriend of five years had moved out. I had been forced to live with the person who I hated the most: myself. I couldn’t escape her. She was everywhere.

I knew a couple things for certain: I wanted to kill myself. And Metroid Prime 3 had just come out.

I called an anxiety clinic that I had first visited years prior; I had internalized some of what I’d learned there, but I had to go back. I could see, as though through a thick haze, that suicide didn’t make sense and that I had to get help. To make the appointment. To get a Gamefly account. To wait for my game to show up. To drag my body outside, to work, to class. To ignore the voice in my head that said I had never done anything worthwhile before now, and that I probably never would.

Just take it a day at a time.

I had never played any Metroid games before. I’d had almost exclusively male friends growing up, especially in high school and college. We played games about men, watched movies about men, and called each other “dude.” I knew who Samus was; I knew her mythology, her history. But I didn’t know the games’ premises or themes.

I’d kindled my love of shooters with Counter-Strike, and I had eventually branched out to console shooters like Call of Duty, Halo, Gears of War, and the like. I played all of the above with my ex-boyfriend, a guy that I had dated since age 16. I needed a new game. I needed a new game for me. I needed to make new memories.

Samus still represents a breakthrough. She first took off her armor to reveal a woman’s form back in 1986, the year that I was born. Samus and I grew up separately, kindred spirits who did not find one another until 2007. A best friend, a fraternal twin sister, a clone separated at birth. Or so I felt, as I let myself slip behind that visor. I wasn’t Samus myself — not yet. I stood behind her, hanging back. Did I dare? Did I dare pretend, roleplay, allow myself to act as Samus? Could I be that cool?


At age 15, I fell in love — a raw, all-or-nothing kind of infatuation, the kind that feels like a new sun just popped up in your empty solar system and now you know what an orbit feels like. The guy and I finally started dating a year after that. After high school, he went to college in New York; I stayed in Boston. The relationship should’ve ended then.

I clung to his phone calls, his emails, his chat logs like a life raft.

I didn’t leave my dorm room, except for class. I stayed up all night reading comics, playing Counter-Strike, watching anime. I had plenty of time to get my coursework done and get good grades, because I didn’t make friends. I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner alone every single day.

Meanwhile, the guy had gone from being a shy gamer nerd who wrote me romantic limericks to a confident, flippant, mustached pre-law student with more friends than I could count or even remember. By the time he moved back to Boston for graduate school, nothing felt right. Nothing had felt right for a long time, but we had lived far enough away from each other to ignore the red flags.

We moved in together anyway. Embers of resentment burned, ever so slowly, around us. He would come home each night, drunk and giddy from partying with other people. I would still be where he’d left me, sitting in the spare room, gluing together pieces of craft foam for costume armor or watching Sailor Moon. After two years of that, he dumped me.

Somehow, I didn’t see the break-up coming. I saw no alternative, besides continuing as we had been for all time. I was not happy, but I did not know why. I had a boyfriend. What else was there?

Did we not have enough sex? I remember wailing at him between sobs during the last conversation we ever had. Was this because I’ve been too busy to cook you dinner lately? Is this because of all the dishes? Because the bathroom wasn’t clean? I cringe to remember this. What did I do wrong? What was I missing?

Self-respect.


Each Metroid Prime game begins in disaster.

Samus loses her powers. Samus comes across dead bodies. Samus finds herself lost in a world unknown. Samus seeks out a power that no one understands. The power destroys all it touches. Samus must save herself. Samus must fight herself.

The theme throughout is that Samus has limitations, but that she can overcome them via ingenuity. Even if she begins by losing her powers, you know that she will find them again — that you will find them.

In Metroid Prime in particular, Samus fights against a metroid that fuses with Phazon to become an avatar… of Samus. The franchise does not adequately explain why this might occur, but the implication still feels valuable to me. Phazon, if we assume it to be an intelligent entity (as the story implies it to be), looks upon Samus as an insurmountable foe. Or, perhaps, the writers behind the story saw Samus as her own worst enemy.

In other Metroid storylines, Samus fights Ridley (who killed her parents) and Mother Brain (who acts as a duplicitous mother figure to Samus, at least within certain canons). But, by strange coincidence, I began with the story where Samus fights against, essentially, herself.

I could understand feeling like one’s self is one’s own worst enemy. And like Samus, I had to forage for the parts for a power suit — a metaphorical one, made of alternative appraisals. The anxiety never goes away. You just learn how to cope with it. The lava never goes away. But Samus gains the strength to keep walking through it.


Recently, I’ve revisited my favorite bits and pieces of the Metroid franchise. I’ve explored the depths of Metroid Prime and Super Metroid, combed through comics and mangas, listened to the soundtracks and hummed the tunes to myself while washing dishes. It all never really went away, or at least it never went far; I kept my memories Samus’s adventures filed in the back of my head. I keep different iterations of Samus as the background images on every device I own; I let her look over my shoulder at my life, as though she is the roommate I am missing.

Back during my deep depression of 2007, I read Yoshio Sakamoto’s Metroid manga for the first time and loved the way it blended Samus’ masculine and feminine traits — her fondness for butterflies, her anger at not getting to train and fight on her own terms, her pacifism, her unrelenting determination. But looking back on the pages now, I can hardly believe how little of it I remembered. My brain picked which aspects of it to love and treasure, such as this moment with Samus curled up alone in her bed. I had done this, especially during the time at which I first read this book, back in 2007. I saw myself there on that page, then. I see myself there now, still.

Image: Metroid manga (Metroid Recon)

But many of the rest of the manga’s pages — bits and pieces of which got slotted into Other M, years later — did not fit my view of Samus, such as a scene near the story’s end in which a panicking Samus faces Ridley at last and screams at the Chozo to “kill her,” to put her out of her misery. I’m not sure I saw or internalized that page back in 2007. I had somehow wiped that image from my brain, choosing instead to remember Samus as the heroine who overcame, a woman who lived alone and grew to love it, not a woman whose misery and memory had become a cage that bound her well into her adulthood. I had gone to therapy; I had found my tools, my strategies, my coping mechanisms. I wanted the same for Samus. And in my personal canon, she finds the same tools I had.

But not everyone sees Samus the same way that I do. Even now, not everyone does, nor can.

Enough Metroid stories have been told, at this point, that contradictions exist. Which comics do we each count as part of the story? Which writers of Samus do we believe did her justice? Which parts of her mythology do we each, individually, choose to remember?

In talking to other people about Samus, I find myself taking certain traits of hers for granted. Often, I find that I can’t cite these traits in the texts provided to us about her. In some cases — in the manga, in Other M — Samus’ true canon directly contradicts the story of her life that I tell myself.

To me, that “true canon” does not matter. After all, I was Samus, for a time. I lived inside her. I pointed a blaster barrel at space pirate chests. Don’t tell me I don’t know what she was thinking — I was there, inside her head.

It’s a personal bias, I suppose, but it’s not one I have any intention of changing. I met Samus, almost by happenstance, at a crucial time. I needed to get out of my own head; I needed to believe in an alternative. I needed to know that I could be alone and that the aloneness would not destroy me. I grew to appreciate having me around. Washing my dishes — there were never any others to do. Playing my music — who could complain? Making a dinner for one — whatever dinner I liked. I grew to see these changes as victories and points of pride, instead of markers of shame or failure. This place is mine. Any success I have is mine. I work alone.

I’ve lost my power suit a few times since then. But I always find the pieces again. I’ve done it before. I know the way.


For more celebrations of Metroid's 40th anniversary, read my article in The Guardian about the depiction of Samus Aran in Metroid (1986), and listen to me describe the history of the Metroid games on this Post Games podcast's Patreon episode.

Happy birthday, Samus!

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LeMadChef
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The "Disability Dongle": Why Silicon Valley Hates Me and you.

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Mood: Wanting to throw a $30,000 prototype into a lake.

There is a feel-good genre of viral video that I call "The Inspiration Porn Industrial Complex." You know the one. It usually features a college engineering team, a dramatic piano soundtrack, and a disabled person strapped into a machine that looks like a Transformer having a panic attack.

The caption usually reads: “Students invent stair-climbing wheelchair! The future is here!”

I can't roll my eyes hard enough every time I see one of these vapid videos.

The machine—let’s call it the iClimb 3000—usually costs as much as a Honda Civic. It weighs three hundred pounds. It makes a sound like a blender digesting a brick. And watching the video, all I can feel is the phantom sensation of being strapped into that thing, suspended five feet in the air at a forty-five-degree angle, praying the gyroscope doesn't glitch and toss me down a flight of concrete steps like a sack of potatoes.

This is what we call a "Disability Dongle."

A Disability Dongle is a piece of technology that is flashy, expensive, and technically impressive, but utterly fails to solve the actual problem it claims to address. It is engineering designed for the abled gaze, not the disabled body. It is designed to win design awards, not to be used.

Silicon Valley loves these things. They love the idea of "solving" disability with hardware. It fits their narrative. If disability is just a bug in the human code, then surely they can patch it with enough servos and lithium-ion batteries.

But here is the reality they refuse to accept: My disability is not a tragedy of biology. It is a failure of infrastructure.

I don’t need a stair-climbing wheelchair that costs $30,000 and requires a maintenance crew. I need better doorknobs and or a ramp.

But a ramp is boring. You can't make investors have a hard on for a ramp that doesn't connect to the cloud. You can’t give a TED Talk about a ramp. You can’t get venture capital funding for a slightly wider doorframe. Concrete is not "disruptive." But a ramp works. It doesn’t run out of battery. It doesn’t require a software update. And crucially, it works for the parent with a stroller, the delivery guy with a hand truck, and the old man with bad knees. It is a universal solution.

The iClimb 3000 is an individualist fantasy. It says, "We don't need to change the world to fit you; we will turn you into a tank so you can conquer the hostile world."

Maybe, though, just maybe, I don't want to be a tank. I just want to go to the library.

I feel this disconnect every time a "Tech Bro" tries to sell me on the latest smart-glasses or haptic-feedback belts. I pick these things up, and they always feel the same. Cheap, clammy plastic. zero buttons except for the power button. They get hot against the skin after ten minutes. They hum with that constant electronic whine that gives you a migraine by noon.

These solutions are nothing other than costumes, the height of "performative engineering"

And while they are building these exoskeletons, the actual digital world—the one I live in—is rotting by the minute.

I use a screen reader. It is a vital tool. It is my literacy. But half the websites I visit are built with such bloated, sloppy code that my screen reader chokes on them. I try to order groceries, and the "Checkout" button is labeled "Button_Graphic_v2_Final." I try to read a news article, and an unlabelled pop-up ad traps my cursor in a loop.

Silicon Valley will spend millions developing a glove that translates sign language into speech (badly), but they won't spend ten minutes adding Alt-Text to their images. They will build a headset that describes the room to me (poorly), but they won't use semantic HTML headings so I can actually navigate a webpage.

Why? Because semantic HTML isn't sexy. You can't put "Used H1 Tags Correctly" on a pitch deck.

There is a profound arrogance in this. It assumes that the only reason I am excluded from society is because I am blind, rather than because society has made a choice to exclude me. The Disability Dongle promises that if I just buy enough gear, if I just encase myself in enough sensors and plastic, I can finally "pass." I can finally participate.

It’s a lie.

The most advanced piece of accessibility technology I own is my white cane. It costs, at the time of this writing anyway, before inflation, forty dollars. It has no batteries. It never crashes. It is a stick that extends my sensory range. It is elegant, simple, and honest.

The second most advanced piece of technology I want is a society that gives a damn.

Keep your exosuits. Keep your ultrasonic echolocation visors. Keep your prototypes that feel like wearing a toaster oven on my face.

Just fix your fucking code. Pour some concrete. And stop trying to upgrade my body when the problem is your design.


If you liked this rant, you might enjoy Against Technoableism: Rethinking Who Needs Improvement by Ashley Shew

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LeMadChef
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Calvin and Hobbes and the Price of Integrity

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Dear Republic,

Maybe you liked Calvin and Hobbes as a kid but you probably have no idea of the scrupulous moral integrity that went into it, as demonstrates in this deeply-researched piece.

-ROL

CALVIN AND HOBBES AND THE PRICE OF INTEGRITY

I.

1978, Kenyon College, sophomore year. Bill Watterson is lying on his dorm room bed, staring up at the ceiling. He hasn’t yet invented six-year-old Calvin and his tiger, Hobbes — though his studies have made him familiar with their philosophical namesakes — because the strip that will make Watterson’s name is almost a decade away. Right now, he’s thinking that his dorm room needs an amateur rendition of Michelangelo’s “Creation of Adam”.

There’s a number of problems up front. The first is that (as Watterson will tell you himself) he’s not a talented painter. Still, what the work will lack in “colour sense and technical flourish” it’ll make up for with comedy — specifically “the incongruity of having a High Renaissance masterpiece in a college dorm that had the unmistakeable odour of old beer cans and older laundry”. Besides, Michelangelo wasn’t Michelangelo until he’d painted and kept painting and became Michelangelo the painter. Watterson decides to go ahead and start painting.

The next problem is structural: how to reach the ceiling? He can stand on the bed, but that’ll mean hours with his head cocked all the way back, a young man developing an old man’s spine. He needs a way to paint the ceiling without permanently disfiguring his posture. His friends help him with a solution: they stand two chairs on Watterson’s bed, then lie a table across the chairs. By climbing up this tower and lying on the table, he comes two feet away from the ceiling. Watterson gets to work.

He’s sunk hours into hours of weeks upon weeks on his back when a third problem occurs to him. He should have thought of this and acted on it before the first brush stroke. He needs permission to paint his dorm room ceiling. But Watterson once admitted, “I never spent as much time or work on any authorised art project or any poli-sci paper as I spent on this one act of vandalism.” He isn’t giving up on it now.

The housing director is understandably suspicious of this kid wanting to paint some elaborate picture on his ceiling with only a few weeks left of the academic year. He realises that the idea is being proposed retroactively. Maybe that’s why he plays along and grants permission for something that’s obviously already underway. Watterson is allowed to complete the painting on the condition that he returns the ceiling to normal before he leaves in summer. Watterson goes back to his room, climbs up the makeshift scaffolding, and gets back to work.

A few weeks later, the project is finished. Watterson probably takes a moment to stand in the middle of the room and look up, contemplating the months of work, the tins of paint he went through, the things he learned about technique, about the joy of a job done for its own sake, about himself. Then he opens a tin of whitewash, climbs up the bed-chairs-table one last time, and paints over his work. He leaves the ceiling white, empty, fresh.

II.

In the years after Kenyon, Watterson has a recurring dream about his old college where he doesn’t know what class he’s taking or where he’s meant to be. He roams the grounds, growing more flustered with each confused step. Right before he wakes, he thinks, “How many more years until I graduate…? Wait, didn’t I graduate already? How old am I?”

It’s 1995 and Watterson is thirty-seven. He’s sitting at the desk where he’s worked for the last ten years, drawing the adventures of Calvin and his maybe-real or maybe-stuffed-toy tiger, Hobbes. Calvin and Hobbes runs in over 2,400 newspapers across the world and, by a more meaningful metric, re-enchants life for millions of readers. It’s pop-culture that transcends the ‘pop” part of its nature; it feels like a private piece of each reader’s soul. For a lot of grown-ups, Calvin and Hobbes is a bridge between who we were as wide-eyed, wondering children and who we are now.

A few years after he found success with Calvin and Hobbes, Watterson told a graduating class at Kenyon that there’s nothing like the joy of work done for your own creative satisfaction, rather than for fame or a few bucks. Watterson is convinced that an artist should do what he does for love, even if it fails, even if it costs him, even though it and everything else will eventually end. In fact, his editor has just okayed a strip in which Hobbes asks Calvin, “If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?”

Which is what brings Watterson to his desk today.

There’s a few papers scattered beneath and around the single page that he’s focused on. He has an unusual task this morning: he’s not drawing, but writing, dealing exclusively in words. Maybe he starts right away, knowing exactly what he wants to tell the people who’ll read this letter. I imagine him taking a moment to consider the current that’s swept him along the last ten years to what he’s preparing to do today. He takes a sip of what’s left in his coffee mug (damn, it’s gone cold), then starts to write.

I don’t know how Watterson drafted this letter, but in my telling of the story he’s scribbling it down on paper with a pencil, the way he does dialogue for his strip. He’ll type it up later and post it out tomorrow afternoon, or maybe he’ll type it up on a computer and electronically mail it. For now, he’s writing a letter by hand, and it’ll be sent to all the editors of the various newspapers that run Calvin and Hobbes. The letter goes like this:

“I will be stopping Calvin and Hobbes at the end of the year. This was not a recent or an easy decision, and I leave with some sadness. My interests have shifted, however, and I believe I’ve done what I can do within the constraints of daily deadlines and small panels. I am eager to work at a more thoughtful pace, with fewer artistic compromises. I have not yet decided on future projects, but my relationship with Universal Press Syndicate will continue.

That so many newspapers would carry Calvin and Hobbes is an honor I’ll long be proud of, and I’ve greatly appreciated your support and indulgence over the last decade. Drawing this comic strip has been a privilege and a pleasure, and I thank you for giving me the opportunity.

Sincerely,

Bill Watterson”

III.

The letter is finished, ready to be typed up and sent out. Time now for the real work. At one edge of Watterson’s desk are a couple of pencils, an eraser, the curled zigzags of shavings. On the other side of the desk are tools for different parts of the creative process. A small sable brush (for inking), a Rapidograph fountain pen (for lettering the dialogue), and a crowquill pen (for “odds and ends”). His set-up is “as low-tech as you can get”.

This is how he likes it. The simpler things are, the more control he has over the work — which is the hill on which he’ll die and take everyone with him if he has to. For Watterson, it’s a question of maintaining artistic integrity. He derives an enormous amount of pride from the fact that he can say, “I write every word, draw every line, color every Sunday strip, and paint every book illustration myself.” The strip is a “one-man operation” because he’s convinced it’s the only way to preserve the integrity of his craft.

For Watterson, craft has never been a side dish to the main course. It’s inextricable from the truths he wants to express and the meaning he hopes his work might have for its readers. It’s his belief that half a century ago, the best comics were more than amusing to look at; they were beautiful and undoubtedly counted as capital-A Art. Here in the mid-nineties, he “can’t think of a single strip today that comes close to that standard of craftsmanship”.

His readers think he’s achieved that kind of quality, from know-nothings like me who intuit something special here that I haven’t found anywhere else, to icons of the craft like Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts. In a foreword to The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, Schulz praises Watterson’s ability to show us the numinous in the mundane by elegantly drawing “bedside tables … and living room couches and chairs and lamps … and all the things that make a comic strip fun to look at”. He adds that this attention to the heightened depiction of the smallest details is what makes a strip truly great: if all the cartoonist does is “illustrate a joke”, the cartoonist “is going to lose”.

It turns out there are a lot of ways a cartoonist can lose, and most of those wins and losses come out of one essential battle: creativity versus commerce. Here, commerce is represented by Universal Press Syndicate, which Watterson refers to as “the syndicate”, like an organisation of villains in a comic book. (Once, he even publicly called them “a bloodsucking corporate parasite”.) The syndicate act as middle-man between the artist and publishing outlets, and without them, there’s no realistic chance of any cartoonist getting a strip printed in a major newspaper and making something like a livable income. Middle-man, except that Watterson sees them as taking a side — the side of the newspapers.

The conflict comes out of the fact that, Watterson laments, the “commercial, mass-market needs of newspapers are not often sympathetic to the concerns of artistic expression”. It’s a dynamic that’s made him face “countless ethical decisions masquerading as simple business decisions”. These things that others regard as only or mostly artistic concerns, he looks at as questions of ethics, which explains his refusal to back down even when giving in was so much easier (not to mention more profitable). It was never a question of drawing a little differently or working to an altered schedule; it was a question of what truly mattered at a level Watterson perhaps thinks of as spiritual.

Watterson’s way of speaking about these things occasionally veers into the self-important register of grievance, the eternal complaint of someone for whom things-as-they-are never satisfy because things-as-they-were always seem better. But there’s no denying the conviction with which he fought the fight, even before he had the name-brand authority he’d later earn, even back when it really looked like he was going to lose. And he came very close to losing some of his biggest battles with the syndicate.

IV.

“When cartoonists fight their syndicates,” Watterson says, “it’s usually to make more money, not less.” Yet for six years, Watterson kept his heels dug deep in the earth, fists up, boxing stance against his syndicate’s plan to make them all millions of dollars.

Watterson’s contract meant the syndicate retained the right to turn Calvin and Hobbes into toys, t-shirts, and other ephemera, and it became clear pretty early that they could all expect stupid amounts of money from merchandising. As Nevin Martell puts it in his inimitable book Looking for Calvin and Hobbes, the eighties were a time when “big-name cartoonists were making big bucks by harnessing the selling power of their characters”.

The creator of Garfield, Jim Davis, became the head of his own empire just a few years after he’d started drawing his mopey cat. There are Garfield plush toys, Garfield pyjamas, Garfield slot machines, Garfield movies, Garfield-themed cruises, all of it bringing in a fortune between 750 million and one billion dollars a year — and Davis gets a share of that. “So here’s a math problem for the kids,” writes Martell. “If there were 255 million suction-cupped Garfield dolls sold over the course of the decade, how many small tropical islands was Jim Davis able to buy with the proceeds?”

Maths like this led Watterson’s syndicate to include licensing rights in their contract with him, assuming the artist would have no problem with it. All that money for doing what he loves? Seemed a no-brainer. The problem was that Watterson had an exacting idea of what it was he loved doing, and it was at odds with toys and tat, indifferent to silos of cash. “I went into cartooning to draw cartoons,” Watterson says, “not to run a corporate empire.”

It was still early days in the ten-year run of Calvin and Hobbes when the syndicate approached Watterson with its big ideas of Calvin sweatshirts, Spaceman Spiff bumper stickers, an animated Calvin and Hobbes Saturday show, maybe a movie, and — worst of all — a Hobbes doll. Watterson really loathed the Hobbes doll. To make sense of how much it bothered him, we need to talk about the tiger in the room.

When Watterson created Hobbes, his focus was on the character more than the conceit of a teddy that comes to life. Watterson told Rich West for The Comics Journal that “there’s something a little peculiar about [Hobbes] that’s, hopefully, not readily categorised”. But Watterson’s readers often wanted Hobbes categorised into either “real” or “imaginary”. So Watterson came up with a compelling non-answer to the question:

“Calvin sees Hobbes one way, and everyone else sees Hobbes another way. I show two versions of reality, and each makes complete sense to the participant who sees it. I think that’s how life works.”

You could say Hobbes is both imaginatively real and really imaginary, depending on your perspective. Hobbes can be either, which also means he’s both. Is Hobbes a tiger or a toy? Yes.

Watterson insisted that if he wasn’t going to settle the question of Hobbes, then he definitely wouldn’t let some toy manufacturer settle it by turning Hobbes “into a stuffed toy for real, and deprive the strip of an element of its magic”. He’d sound off wherever he could on how “licensing usually cheapens the original creation” by saturating a market with characters until readers are bored of seeing them; how a multi-paneled story with dynamic action cannot be respected by the vagaries of a coffee mug illustration; how subtlety is sacrificed for immediacy; how selling off “everything fun and magical” means “the strip’s world is diminished”.

He has a hundred lines like these, articulations of higher reasoning against merchandising, but just once, in the Tenth Anniversary Book, he drops the high-and-mighty in favour of I-the-mighty: “Calvin and Hobbes was designed to be a comic strip and that’s all I want it to be. It’s the one place where everything works the way I intend it to.”

Here again is the artist as lone genius, the one-man operation he jealously guards. Watterson’s convictions are sincere, and he’s put a lot of thought into defending those values, but maybe there’s some emotion involved too. Maybe part of Watterson’s aversion to what his syndicate were asking for has something to do with not wanting to play with others. It often seems with Watterson like he’s never quite made peace with the public nature of the private world he created in Calvin and Hobbes. He seems uncomfortable with compromise.

There’s a Calvin and Hobbes strip where Calvin discovers the world has lost all colour. There’s “no hue, value, or chroma” as he moves through his house depicted in negative relief. The cause of this aberration was an argument with his dad, who in the final (full colour) panel says, “The problem is, you see everything in terms of black and white, ” to which Calvin cries, “SOMETIMES THAT’S THE WAY THINGS ARE!”

Watterson wrote that strip to get onto the page and out of his head the way he felt when fighting his syndicate. This move to a reductive black-white binary is a difficult circle to square with the artist who refuses to settle the ontology of Hobbes with a definitive answer. How is it that Watterson both adores and rejects ambiguity? Maybe Watterson is neither one thing or the other. Maybe he’s both. Lee Salem, president of Universal Press Syndicate, says, “Bill is both refreshingly different and exasperatingly different, depending on one’s perspective.”

The syndicate found out just how different he could be. Other cartoonists wanted fame, wanted to be printed in every newspaper in the world, wanted an ocean of money where the tide was always in. But other cartoonists could swim; Watterson felt like he was drowning. So he told his syndicate, “No.” No t-shirts, no merchandise, no stuffed Hobbes toys. But the argument wouldn’t go away, and even Watterson understood why. As he put it, “Trainloads of money were at stake — millions and millions of dollars could be made with a few signatures. Syndicates are businesses, and no business passes up that kind of opportunity without an argument.”

So Watterson and the syndicate had that argument. For six years.

V.

The struggle went on until 1991. It was a fight that few knew much about — certainly not the happy majority of readers who met with Calvin each morning in the paper and had nothing but fun — but Watterson viewed the conflict as something Biblical in its intensity and stakes.

On one side of the battle: the conglomerated corporate power of the syndicate-as-Goliath, with their money and lawyers and binding legalese, and their teams of people with vested interests working against the simple artist.

On the other side: Bill Watterson, pencil in hand and heart full of uncompromisable values.

In one of Watterson’s strips from that time, Calvin refuses to get in the bath, shouting about how he’ll never compromise his principles; cut to Calvin in the bath, sullen and grumbling, “I don’t need to compromise my principles, because they don’t have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.”

The way Watterson tells it, he was powerless to stop them forcing him to merchandise Calvin and Hobbes, and all he could do about it was quit, in which case the syndicate would just hire a team of anonymous ghost-artists to churn out more stories for Watterson’s duo. He was one small man facing down a global behemoth that had risen from the swamp of modern capitalism. What could he do?

I’m not so convinced by the case he makes. For any merchandising opportunities to be worth much, the strip had to continue enchanting readers, and to do that it had to be written and drawn by the man who’d brought it into the world. Calvin and Hobbes, as Nevin Martell notes, “was not your run-of-the-mill, gag-a-day strip with average artwork that anyone could do”. That’s why Lee Salem acknowledged in a conversation with Martell that the syndicate was “lucky that [Watterson] didn’t call one day and say, ‘I quit.’”

That’s not the only source of fishy odour around Watterson’s suggestion that all the cards were held by other players. There’s also the plain fact of how long the argument ran for. Every week, month, and year that passed with Watterson holding out and the syndicate essentially shrugging and saying, “Okay, we won’t force it,” revealed how unwilling they were to simply bend him to their will.

Then there’s the offer they made to him not long before the whole thing was decided. Lee Salem went to Watterson’s house with a box of bootleg t-shirts with Calvin and/or Hobbes printed on them. (I first found out this was a thing when, in an episode of Friends, Joey tells Rachel he can’t take his sweater off in public because his t-shirt “has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbes”. I remember scrunching my young eyes up and thinking no no no no no as if the word could scrub out the unwanted mental picture that had been forced on me.)

Salem told Watterson that the best way to choke off the flow of this stuff was to license Calvin and Hobbes. Granting merchandising rights would mean that an entirely separate company, whose interest would be controlling the legal use of those rights, would come down tough on the pirates making illegal merchandise. On top of that, all the profits from merchandising would go into a brand-new fund for saving tigers across the world. This debate didn’t take five years; sounds like it didn’t take five minutes: Watterson said no.

So, maybe it’s the clarity of hindsight, an unimpressive backwards prediction, but I don’t find it surprising that when the dispute was finally resolved after six years, it fell Watterson’s way. The syndicate backed off, agreed not to license any merchandise, and went as far as rewriting their contract with Watterson in his favour. And it really went in his favour.

VI.

Who knows for sure how the sabbaticals came about? Well, Watterson knows and the people at the syndicate know, but they’re telling different stories. In Nevin Martell’s book, Watterson demanded two sabbaticals as part of his renegotiated contract, which is presumably what Universal says went down. On the other hand, Watterson (who gave no input to Martell’s book except to ask Lee Salem of it, “Who cares?”) maintains that Universal offered him the sabbaticals and he accepted. This seems unusually generous for a syndicate Watterson also portrays as essentially money-grubbing, but again — who knows?

Sabbaticals were basically unknown for syndicated cartoonists. It was a huge ask of readers to take some months away from a strip and not lose interest or replace it with another strip. For editors, re-runs were a kick in the crotch, paying for a strip they’d already paid for. Universal knew all of this and rallied to craft a message supporting their artist’s need to recharge his creative batteries. Watterson knew all of this too and thought, They can have a worn out Calvin and Hobbes, or I can take this break and come back with work I’m proud of, that they’ll be eager to print.

In May of 1991, Calvin and Hobbes went into re-runs.

For the next nine months, Watterson lived like he didn’t have millions of dollars in merchandise a mere signature away, like his work wasn’t so widely adored that national newspapers were publicly counting down the days until he brought them all something new. Instead, at the age of thirty-three and mid-career, he was living the low-key life of a retiree.

As the months slipped by, Watterson started meeting up with his art professor from Kenyon. They painted together, the older man with skill and the younger man with inelegance slowly turning into basic proficiency. A dynamic developed between them that helped Watterson’s recovery. No longer teacher and student, they were (as the professor told Martell) “just two guys who liked to do a couple of things really well”.

The time off did what it was supposed to for Watterson, and in early 1992, he returned to drawing Calvin and Hobbes. He was three years away from quitting forever.

***

Watterson threw himself into his next big swing with the syndicate. He wanted to radically change the Sunday strip.

In the Golden Age of comics, Sunday strips were given a whole page to create worlds and tell stories. “With all that space to fill,” Watterson says, “cartoonists produced works of extraordinary beauty and power.” Around the middle of the twentieth century, that page was reduced to half a page, and most newspapers saved more space by decapitating the strip of its top row. Whatever remained got straitjacketed into “specific and unyielding” dimensions that forced all comics into the exact same sequence of panels. Watterson says the result was that he’d “often need to eliminate dialogue or simplify the drawings so they’d fit in the arbitrary space the format allotted”.

On the back of so many wins for Calvin and Hobbes, Watterson decided it was time to push back. The proposal was simple: his Sunday comic would come “exclusively as a half-page feature with no panel restrictions”. The story (and not the commercial needs of the newspaper) would determine the shape of each Sunday strip.

The syndicate warned Watterson they might lose half of the papers running Calvin and Hobbes and, with them, half of his income. Watterson wanted to hold himself to a higher standard than how many papers published him and how much money he made. Whatever he lost would, he figured, be worth it — “if I could work at the limits of my abilities for a change.” To his surprise (though maybe only to his), the syndicate agreed to sell Calvin and Hobbes with this caveat in place.

Editors were furious. Watterson seemed ignorant of the many and complex requirements of publishing a paper in an expensive industry already struggling, one that had just paid him for nine months of re-runs. Watterson looked like a megalomaniac snatching precious page space from other cartoonists. This latest act of ego was an affront to both business and morality.

Watterson was having none of it. No editor had to buy Calvin and Hobbes, he said. He’d be offering them a superior product for the same price. With a little imagination, he told them, Sunday strips could be reimagined (and resized) without a zero-sum competition between artists. Some editors threatened to cancel their contracts with Universal over this. It looked like the syndicate’s warnings to Watterson were well-founded: Calvin and Hobbes was threatened with widespread cancellation.

It says something about the popularity of Calvin and Hobbes — not to mention Watterson’s pulling power as a cartoonist — that after all the outrage and arguments, only fifteen of the 1,800 papers running Watterson’s strip threatened to remove it from their pages. And only seven followed through. Calvin and Hobbes was still very much on top. But it was also getting on top of Watterson.

***

The standardised Sunday strip was like a jig used by carpenters: when they have to make the same cut over and over, they set up a jig to rest the saw and the wood against, and it automates the repetition, making the process smoother, faster. Less creative, by design. The Sunday strip granted less creative freedom, but it streamlined the process, making it smoother and faster to draw the strips.

Watterson no longer had the benefit of the jig. He had to go back to the literal drawing board each time, so the Sunday strips that used to take a day to draw now required a day and a half, sometimes longer. They demanded a slower process, more time to think and tinker. Watterson liked drawing his strip at this turtle’s pace, but the ever-looming deadline made it hard work to go so slowly.

His approach to deadlines was to stay well ahead of them. When you’re faced with a due date (as he told Lee Nordling in Your Career in Comics) “there’s no quality control. It’s just garbage in, garbage out.” This was because “the never-ending pressure to meet deadlines encourages cartoonists to publish virtually everything they think up”. Watterson’s approach was instead to “stay far enough ahead of the deadlines that I can throw away mediocre material and write something better”. This is quality determined by quantity: the more stuff in the wastebasket, the better the strip.

Watterson was already working weeks and sometimes months ahead of schedule, refusing to submit second-tier work, maintaining this throughout six years of the licensing fight, and now he took more time than ever to think creatively about the Sunday strips suddenly requiring triple the effort to produce. It took more and more of his time to keep Calvin and Hobbes going. “I had to steal that extra time,” he confessed in Sunday Pages 1985-1995, “from what would have been some semblance of an ordinary life.”

Watterson burned out. In April of 1994, he took his second nine-month sabbatical. You have to assume he did a lot of the same as last time, some painting, some walking, nowhere to be and no time he had to be there. He never said or wrote much about that second sabbatical, but it’s clear that it didn’t do what it was meant to do. He returned to the strip in January, 1995, knowing for sure what he’d suspected for a while: he was done with Calvin and Hobbes.

VII.

It’s early afternoon. The letter he wrote this morning is sitting at the top of his desk, and his sable brush is in hand. His fingers are cramping a little, but the work is going well. Maybe there’s an air of solemnity hanging over him on this particular day, and maybe he indulges it, or maybe he tries to ignore it so he can get on with what he’s doing. A lot of maybes hang over a single certainty: that he’s drawing the last Calvin and Hobbes that will ever be printed.

Watterson’s wife was the first to know that it was all coming to an end, and second was Lee Salem and the syndicate. No one behind the scenes was all that surprised. It was obvious to everyone as far back as 1992, after Watterson had come back from his first sabbatical, that he would be quitting the strip, it just wasn’t clear when that would happen. Now it’s a sure thing. They’ve agreed that the last day of 1995, not far off, will be the last time a new Calvin and Hobbes runs in the papers. All that’s left is to tell his editors and, more importantly, his readers, which he’ll do by way of the resignation letter.

And after? He’s uncertain. Does he know here today, as he works on his last outing with the kid and his tiger, that he’ll spend the next five years drawing nothing at all? That he’ll abruptly stop doing what he’s done for the last ten years of his life?

In the decades after closing shop on Calvin and Hobbes, Watterson will become surgeon-thorough in scalpeling out his creation from his private life. Over the next thirty years, he’ll give only three or four interviews; he’ll put out a single book (entirely unrelated to Calvin and Hobbes) for which he’ll do his usual amount of hype and marketing (none); he’ll say almost nothing of note on the duo he gave up for adoption to his readers. Eventually, he’ll force his editor to put a notice on his website informing fans that he won’t read any letters that refer even passingly to Calvin and Hobbes.

This KEEP OUT sign on the gate to his personal life will do very little to keep well-meaning if obstinate trespassers off his mental lawn. There will be a day when Watterson will be on the literal lawn of his front yard and a reporter from the Cleveland Plain Dealer will show up. He’ll be neither the first nor the last journalist to try his luck like this, and he’ll be no more nor less successful than any of the others. The artist and the reporter will get into an off-the-record “almost collegiate” debate about the nature of privacy. It won’t matter if the reporter wins on points, because Watterson is never going to concede.

In any case, even as Watterson distances himself from Calvin and Hobbes, his readers will remain as close to them as ever. We go on reading the comics, seeing ourselves in Calvin, hoping for a Hobbes, looking for an adventure.

“My strip,” Watterson once said, “is about private realities, the magic of imagination, and the specialness of certain friendships.” Well, ditto for my relationship with the boy Calvin and his tiger Hobbes. Those adventures of a weirdo from another planet and his homicidal psycho jungle cat, their magical world in which the days are just packed with deranged mutant killer monster snow goons, that place where scientific progress goes “boink” and there’s treasure everywhere — they belong to their readers.

Back to his desk and that final strip. This one is made up of only five panels. The last panel is the largest. There’s a lot of un-inked page showing through here, just Calvin and Hobbes in the snow and a few trees to indicate the forest around them. Watterson has already pencilled in the dialogue. “Wow,” Calvin says to Hobbes in the first panel, “it really snowed last night! Isn’t it wonderful?” These two figures have been lightly pencilled in carrying a sled through waist-deep snow. Now, Watterson’s inking the lines, which sit with some weight on the otherwise blank paper.

When Watterson first started drawing Calvin and Hobbes in the eighties, there were only 64 colours for him to choose from. Here at the end of his run, he has 125 colours available to him. But he’s keeping it simple. He usually colours in the panel borders and the word balloons, but he’s decided, here, to leave it all white. Only the characters and their sled are given colour, because he wants this drawing to have “a very spare and open look”.

He leans back in his chair to look at what he’s done. All that white he’s left offers the effect of wiping the page clean, the strip stripped down until the page is empty for something new. Something different. Like he’s opened a tin of whitewash and painted over his work. He leaves the page white, empty, and fresh.

Matthew Morgan writes Volumes, a Substack about the places where books and life overlap.

Sources used:

  • Unattributed quotations come from Calvin and Hobbes: Tenth Anniversary Book (1995).

  • References to specific Calvin and Hobbes strips come from the Calvin and Hobbes collections published between 1988 and 1996.

  • Looking for Calvin and Hobbes (2009) Nevin Martell;

  • “Some thoughts on the real world by one who glimpsed it and fled” (1990) Kenyon College graduation speech;

  • “The Bill Watterson Interview” in The Comics Journal (1989) Richard West;

  • “Bill Watterson” in Honk! (1987) Andrew Christie.



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LeMadChef
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Denver, CO
acdha
74 days ago
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Washington, DC
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Cities terminate Flock contracts at record pace in August

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New data compiled by a Bay Area anti-surveillance advocacy group shows that not only are American localities dropping cameras from Flock Safety, but they are doing it at an accelerating rate.

Communities from Lansing, Michigan, to Pflugerville, Texas, are ending their relationship with Flock, largely over concerns regarding out-of-control surveillance, unwanted data sharing, high expenses, and reports of police abusing the tool.

Secure Justice, an Oakland-based advocacy group, has recorded 214 cities and counties that have dropped Flock since 2021. Of those, 90 ended their relationship with Flock in August 2026 alone, a fourfold increase compared to the previous month.

Put another way: During the last 30 days, an average of three localities per day have halted contracts with Flock.

“Looking at that image, it’s gone parabolic!” Brian Hofer, the executive director of Secure Justice, told Ars.

Hofer, who until 2025 served as chair of the Oakland Privacy Advisory Commission for 10 years, recognized that while 210 remains relatively small, the momentum is growing rapidly.

“When you see that now 165 [cancellations] are just in the first almost eight months of this year... At that speed, if it goes another year, we’re talking serious money,” he said. “That number is going to get huge, fast.”

When presented with this data, Flock Safety did not express concern. “So far in 2026, new city partnerships have outpaced nonrenewals by approximately 10 to one,” emailed Courtney Terlecki, a company spokesperson. “That does not mean every community will make the same decision, and we understand that public safety technology deserves thoughtful public discussion and community engagement.”

She declined to say precisely how many new customers Flock has taken on this year, but the company has repeatedly said that its products are “trusted by over 5,000 communities.”

Criticism

After extensive criticism, Flock CEO Garrett Langley wrote in a recent blog post that Flock would reduce data retention defaults from 30 days to seven, among other privacy-minded changes.

Last Friday, Flock’s top lawyer wrote in another blog post that its newly modified terms of use “expressly prohibit customers and their users from using Flock Services to mislead, harass, stalk, or otherwise impose upon or violate the legal rights of another person.”

Those efforts have done little to quell political scrutiny.

This week, Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) announced that he was “investigating Flock Safety’s collection, retention, and dissemination of the data generated by its artificial intelligence surveillance cameras.”

Additionally, on Wednesday, after two Florida police officers were arrested for misusing Flock, Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis gave a speech in which he said that Flock cameras were “out of control” in his state.

“When I see, like, a police officer using this to track, like, an ex-girlfriend, I’m like, you know what the hell’s going on?” DeSantis said.

Even advocates who have followed the pervasive expansion of automated license plate reader (ALPR) technology—which predated Flock—are surprised.

“Maybe in the past it didn't feel like every red light cam really meant a pair of eyes was watching you, but with AI, that's increasingly becoming the reality,” Jake Laperruque, deputy director of the Center of Democracy and Technology’s Security and Surveillance Project, emailed Ars.

“And we're already seeing how AI can morph ALPRs into a mass surveillance dragnet," he added. "Flock lets its cameras be searched for keywords and people, cities are incorporating real-time facial recognition into camera networks, Border Patrol is using AI to scan ALPR data for driving patterns [and] pulling people over whenever the AI deems their driving ‘suspicious.’”

The scrutiny has become bipartisan after numerous widely reported incidents. “A Texas Sheriff’s Office used it to search for a woman who had had an abortion, and federal agents proposed using it outside gun shows,” Catherine Crump, a UC Berkeley law professor, emailed Ars.

“It definitely does not help that this is yet another Silicon Valley product that no one asked for that threatens to reshape people’s lives.”

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LeMadChef
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... and replacing them with another technology like Axon.

Wait, you thought they were stopping surveilence? Oh, you sweet, summer child.
Denver, CO
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Colorado voters will decide if ballot measures should be written at an 8th grade reading level

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The Colorado Secretary of State’s Office said Friday afternoon that the backers of Initiative 234 collected enough voter signatures to get the question on the November ballot
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LeMadChef
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Honestly it's not a bad idea since most USicans read at a 6th grade level.
Denver, CO
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E-bike injuries are on the rise among kids, concerning Colorado doctors and police

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Children’s Hospital Colorado says it saw a 184% increase in traumatic e-bike injuries from 2024 to 2025
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LeMadChef
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What most people don't understand is even 28 MPH is astonishingly fast. It's also 80% faster than is allowed on bicycle paths.
Denver, CO
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